Home With 2 Girls

A different kind of depression?

2010-01-14T09:39:00.007-05:00

So I guess Post Partum Depression doesn't qualify anymore, since my youngest turns 3 in two months. But I knew that last year and it scared me. I started on antidepressants a couple months after Catie was born in 2007, as I started experiencing the same symptoms I had after having Charlotte. (I had PPD after both girls) I was proud of myself, I saw the problem before anyone else did and got help fast. In the past few years I've changed drugs, upped my dose, decreased my dose, went off the meds but I still wasn't myself.

And I'm not talking about being a cheerful, outgoing person. The external expectations, whether I smiled enough, etc, didn't matter much because I can fake a smile in a heartbeat. It is all in my head, the lack of desire to get out of bed, the way I pay attention, but not really, the yo-yo effect of dieting, at some point I simply figured these things were like the stretch marks I earned and the residual back pain that I have from carrying two babies in two years. I was trying to learn to accept me.

The problem with trying to just be okay with being me was the anxiety. The tension that would build until I would snap. I was good at walking away, but it didn't make it easier for me to deal with. Everything and nothing would set me off. Stupid things like not being able to put a cap on a bottle could set things off. It's not fun.

And of course the issues coming at me from the outside didn't help. Having a family and trying to fix yourself definitely do not go hand-in-hand. Being a stay-at-home mom, for me, doesn't offer much job satisfaction. Dealing with everyone else's problems 24/7 wears you down. There is rarely quiet time.

The biggest issue was being frustrated with my husband for not taking care of himself. Always cranky from being in pain from his spinal fusion it drove me insane that he refused to go to the doctor for a prescription. Months would go by and all he did was complain. But it seemed it was always my fault, my issues that caused the fights, my fault for snapping for no good reason. At least I was trying to get help, I was medicated and fighting hard. At some point you stop liking a person when you feel like you are being scrutinized. And it got to the point where I considered leaving him, more than once.

The next big one was Charlotte and handling her delays. The judgement from all around about how I was or wasn't handling things, the doubts I had, the questioning myself, feeling like I had failed her somehow never helped my mental state. Catie's reflux, the constant crying, throwing up and being on my own with her for 10-12 hours a day, on top of trying to handle a toddler who couldn't talk almost broke me.

I am very upfront about what is going on, you'll see in previous blog posts I've talked about many of these issues. And I hope it helps friends and family understand. I don't want to sound like I was left hanging out to dry all on my own - I have help and support, but you also need to be able to lean, my problem is I prefer to hide. I've gotten better, with my husband I can say I'm not feeling well today and more often than not, he understands what I mean, and ups his effort with the girls and around the house. Last month, in the midst of a major funk, he sent me a bouquet of flowers. My sister, my mom and friends call just to check in and sometimes just listening helps. Sometimes just talking about nothing when I can't escape things can make my day.

A couple months ago, after my latest dieting failure, I gave up trying to get down to a weight I thought would get me less lecturing and went for a physical - my first in many, many years. I hunted up a doctor from my provider list, one who claimed to specialize in women's issues. I met with her, and really, really liked her - she was a psychologist before becoming a DO. She suggested a new medication and asked me to look into it instead of just prescribing it. I had my blood work done and went back. My cholesterol is not good - not that it ever has been, thanks grandma! But what also came out of my blood work was that my thyroid function is diminishing. So I'm on cholesterol meds, and a thyroid vitamin supplement - because the doctor said my numbers aren't bad enough to warrant a medication that will mess with my system. But she also changed my antidepressant. It was a ten day switch over, and the difference was almost immediate. The insomnia is gone, so far the anxiety is too. All the little things that I had thought I would have to deal with forever are coming under control. I am writing today after months of writer's block.

So what's the official word? Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder(PMDD) and hypothyroidism.

As for my husband, well, he had surgery over the summer, the second on his back and is a totally new person. I am falling in love with him all over again and it's wonderful.

I'm not going to tell you a new medication is all it took, but it's making things easier for me. While there is still some internal fight every day, for the first time in over a year I'm looking forward to things, planning for life instead of just stumbling through it. And I'm smiling, because I want to, not because I'm expected to.

Potty Training Secrets Revealed

2009-10-14T10:59:00.002-05:00

Not really. Sorry, I've got none. I totally suck at potty training. I have no patience to sit much more than 15 minutes in the bathroom. I get distracted and forget to ask if the girls have to go. Of course it doesn't help when you're faced with serious resistance.

Charlotte was a hard case, she was hit or miss when you got her on the potty. She has less of an ability to sit than I do, so there were no bribes to get her to stay put. I tried chocolate, gifts and finally a potty chart. When she finally did complete it she did get gifts, really nice ones from her grandmothers who spent as much time, if not more, sitting on the bathroom floor with her than I did. She actually stayed put for them, she wanted to make them happy. But there was never consistency.

I have my excuses - some really good ones. She didn't walk till she was 18 months, her sister was born when she was 20 months and I had a rough pregnancy. Then Catie had her reflux issues. Just a litany of things that made things harder.

When she was accepted into the special ed program they of course asked if she was trained. I had to say no. Charlotte was 3 at the time. It took them a good 5 months to keep her dry, which made me feel a little better about my failure. By Christmas she was in panties full time. She regressed a tad for overnight, then one day told me she was done with pull ups and that was that.

In light of my failure with Charlotte I swore Catie would be different. Then I met Catie. The obstinate little bugger wanted no part in potty training. The problem we had was that she was smart enough to know better. She started telling me she needed to be changed, specifically telling me that she peed. But she never went on the potty. Charlotte even sat with her a few times 'reading' to her. But as soon as the pull up was back on she went. We knew she had the control she needed, just not the desire.

This past June I decided with the nice weather coming we would stay outside in panties, saving my carpets. So much for nice weather potty training. We kept pushing, she started screaming. Literally hysterics at the suggestion of going on the potty. September rolled around and I was completely fed up with buying diapers. I kept pushing. Charlotte taunted her sister by calling her a baby cause she was still in diapers - and I let her do it. Then one day I was sitting with her and suggested she try to do on the potty what she did in her diaper. And that was it. She got it. Peed right then and there.

Two weeks later, present day, she is in panties during the day, diapers at night. She has done three hour plus outings in pull ups staying totally dry, even asking to go potty. We're having some issues pooping - she will neither go in a pull up or the potty - but I expect the progress to continue. Catie's 2 1/2, so I don't consider her a success story, I'm simply relieved that she's going on the potty. And of course thrilled with the money we're saving on diapers and pull ups!

So no, I don't have advice for others potty training. The best I can do is say to hang in there, eventually something will click and you'll be as thrilled as we are now.

Parents are IDIOTS.

2009-09-11T07:02:00.004-05:00

Once again I have remembered why I have been actively avoiding the speech-delay boards on my favorite parenting website, babycenter.com. Parents are IDIOTS.

It started a good 6 months ago when I responded to a parent who knew her 3-year-old had a delay - her doctor told her when he was 18 months to have him tested - but she hadn't gotten around to having any testing done because she and her husband work long hours. Plus, she figured the Spanish-speaking nanny wasn't helping his cause. I wasn't very nice. I told her she was irresponsible and that the amount of progress her child had lost could be insurmountable. And that the time she needs to take now is significantly more than she would have before, with the extra testing that needed to be done. She wrote back that it had nothing to do with taking time off of work, that wasn't an issue, she just thought it'd get better on it's own.

Checking my inbox today I scanned the list of posts to boards I am signed up for and saw a headline about a 4-year-old with speech delays so I clicked on it - I figured we're in similar situations. HAH! She's been working with her child on her own - never tested hearing or had an evaluation done or anything. And is actively planning on waiting longer since her child has a late birthday and two more years till kindergarten. I have not and will not respond to this, my blood is totally boiling.

I stopped going to my March 2007 board for a while when speech delays were the rage. If one more person said, oh, just wait, your little one will catch up, outgrow, etc, etc I would have gone mental. Because with Charlotte all I kept hearing was Einstein didn't talk until he was 3. Not every child is Einstein, so what happens in 6 months when they don't catch up. You've lost 6 months which in baby-time is huge.

If you're not aware I fought like crazy to get Charlotte help with her speech, being turned down twice for early intervention, approved the third time because her other skills were falling behind because of her lack of speech. Last July, Charlotte was turning 3, she only spoke 20 words. Fearful she wouldn't get into the special education preschool we had an outside advocate lined up. In the end we went on our own and it went well. We asked for summer session, got summer session, once in school she had OT and PT evaluations, qualified for OT and has made tremendous progress there. We are actively in touch with teachers and therapists. After a year in school she no longer qualified for the special classroom setting, she is working on 3 syllable words and talking in complete sentences. With the recommendation from a developmental pediatrician in hand, plus our own story, we explained why Charlotte needed to stay in the special ed classroom - and we were approved.

Add our past experiences to my own experience yesterday at another CPSE meeting for Charlotte it's simple to see why I get so frustrated. Yesterday's meeting was a basic one, just switching a pull-in occupational therapy session to a pull-out, based on superb progress over the summer doing two one-on-one sessions a week. The meeting took all of 5 minutes, mostly to sign the attendance sheet. Even her classroom teacher, who met me for the first time yesterday, was surprised how fast it went. As we were walking out she relayed that Charlotte's OT had told her not to worry about not knowing Charlotte well, that I was a great advocate and knew what to do.

One of the best parts for me was at the end when the special ed teacher in attendance, who had not met us yet, said good bye to Catie thinking she was Charlotte. I figure it's because of Catie saying "please may I have a cookie" and refusing to leave because she had to finish said cookie. Well the program director and two other regular board members were quick to say, that's Catie, the younger sister, she's 2. That's how well they know us. I have never missed a meeting, which are not mandatory for us to attend. Even my husband's attendance to the annual ones brings attention to us since it's rare for both parents to take the time.

I don't know, maybe if the entire process had been easier we wouldn't fight so hard. I am aware I have an advantage being a stay-at-home mom. But good enough doesn't really work for me when it comes to my kids. I still think I can do better, so when I read these messages from parents who are flippant with the welfare of their children I just want to shake them silly.

So why do I stay signed up? Because I know for a fact that sharing my experiences has helped other people. The grandma who was fighting with her daughter to get help told a story that mimicked Charlotte's. I was able to tell her I was on my third pediatrician because no one knew anything and had been to a developmental pediatrician for specialized support. I was able to direct her to my favorite book on apraxia. The number of people who ask how you knew if your child was delayed that I shared the link to the ASHA website is even enough. My advice was applauded by a speech therapist who frequents the board to offer help, that was an amazing feeling. But aside from patting myself on the back, for me, the support I get from some of the boards is amazing. So usually after yelling at my computer I move on to someone and something else - even if it's just tonight's dinner.

The President in Prime Time

2009-09-03T07:57:00.004-05:00

When Barack Obama promised transparency in government no way did I think it would mean giving up so many entire evenings. Obama's plan to speak to the US this coming Wednesday about his health care plan just plain sucks. Wanna know why a hard-core Obama supporter thinks so?

1. If we don't get it yet, he's doing a horrible job presenting it. One night isn't going to make a difference. With the vote coming up people should know what is happening and why it's happening, not be more confused than ever. The other concern is if Congress doesn't get it yet, why the hell would average Americans who don't have it written in front of them?

2. We're tired. I will applaud Bush for one tiny thing - giving me an hour to relax, get the kids in bed and grab some ice cream before I got to yell at the TV at 9pm. This 8pm thing Obama does doesn't work. If I didn't have a DVR I would miss it simply because 8pm is bath and bedtime. Isn't he an involved dad? Shouldn't he know better?

3. School's starting. For us it's the first day back to school, for many others out here it's the second day of school. You're talking a slew of teachers, students and parents who really don't give a shit what he's saying because we're barely conscious. Which brings me back to if we understood it, this would be a hell of a lot easier.

4. 8pm. I'm sorry this really sticks in my craw. I had 8 years of a president that I heckled instead of listened to, but at least he didn't ruin the WHOLE night. Because once you have your speech, you have hours upon hours of commentary (useless crap, BTW) so it's a 3-4 hour debacle which doesn't give you any down time. And God forbid there's actually something to watch on HBO.

5. Recreation. We can't afford to go to the movies, much less rent them, stop messing with the TV programming. Last time it was Idol, next week may or may not be So You Think You Can Dance, WTF did I do to you?!?!

6. Back to the 8pm. Why are they killing revenue for TV stations for a whole night - $30 million already, do you have any idea how many JOBS that is?? Cause jobs are something we're sorely lacking in right now. I would love to know how many people got laid off because of budget cuts around the last grouping of press conferences.

So to summarize, 8pm on a school night when decent TV is just starting again, talking about a subject that no one understands, few agree on and even more are terrified of, really isn't the smartest idea out there.

Is it ok...

2009-06-30T19:24:00.004-05:00

for married people to have crushes?? And I don't mean celebrity, if I had a chance in hell type crushes, just the average run of the mill, person on the street sort.

My husband and I are in agreement, so that's good. We both think it's OK, that basically it's human nature and just because you're married doesn't mean you're all dried up. You'd be surprised how nonplussed he was after the numerous times I told him I was leaving him for Adam Lambert - and I knew he was gay before my hubby did.

However, I do wonder if part of our being OK has to do with being with each other from such young ages (18 & 20). It's kind of hard to be that young and not have some sort of something at some point. Also, we, well I am at least, tend to be pretty open about opinions of people. For instance, I have no problem telling my husband I think another guy (girls too, sometimes) is hot. He laughs at me. The fact he's particularly self confident (a characteristic of his that was a huge turn-off at the beginning), added to the fact he's the exact opposite of my taste in men, so I'm not exactly looking at guys similar to him, he takes no issue.

Same thing with generalized flirting. We again agree that it's healthy, normal human behavior. It's not like either of us out there going ooh, he's or she's hot, let me try flirting - THAT would be WRONG.

And it's not that either of us is that liberal with our relationship definitions. I believe the phrase "I'd have to kill you" has come into play when more serious scenarios have been discussed. Anything PHYSICAL is way, way, WAY out of bounds. Lying too, is on the no list. Of course he can't lie for anything and I can't not tell him things, so that helps. Maybe it also helps that we have defined boundaries in place and know what we expect of each other.

So I want to know - are YOU okay with crushes and/or flirting or NOT and why or WHY NOT????

A Farm Away From Home

2009-06-05T12:48:00.008-05:00

It's that time of year again. Our local CSA pick-ups have begun. What's a CSA, you ask? Community Supported Agriculture.

What it means to me is a 1/2 hour ride out east once a week to pick up freshly picked organic produce. We start with lettuces and other green leafy items, move onto things like cucumbers, carrots, beans, zucchini, etc, then go to things like potatoes - red, white, blue and sweet. You can't forget about tomatoes and ground cherries and fresh herbs and flowers. Best of all freshly dried garlic in so many varieties. (I should tell you every CSA is different in what they offer.)

I found Phil Barbados and his farm Biophilia last year online at www.localharvest.org/csa. What got me curious about CSA farms was a post on my favorite parenting site, http://www.babycenter.com/.

While I whole-heartedly disagreed with this particular mom's views on vaccinations, her commentary on her lifestyle led me to wonder what our local farms on Long Island had to offer. I Googled CSA and found Local Harvest. Their site is impressive and easy to use, but best of all, it led me to Phil.

We started with Phil last summer not sure what to expect and he quickly rocked our world. What he produces is phenomenal both in quality and variety. Phil's passion for farming is only surpassed by the love he has for his family. That shines through in everything he does. I almost cried at the end of last season at the idea of my weekly treks to the farm over for 6 months, leaving me to rely on grocery store produce.

The best thing about Biophilia and Phil, aside from the wonderful produce, is the way he makes his farm feel like home. He is a very warm and inviting person, always willing to talk shop. Membership to his CSA isn't just about a weekly pick-up, it's a summer-long experience with tastings, picking days and potlucks. He takes tremendous pride in what he does, even fretting last year that he was responsible feeding so many local families.

In the weekly e-mail newsletter he keeps us up to date with goings on - what's being planted, transplanted, harvested, when his dad visits, problems with local wildlife and so on. He also adds recipes to help us use what he has given us that week. As an added bonus, he keeps us up to date with other adventures in organic farming that go on over the summer. The extra time and effort it takes to create and send an update is just more proof of how very dedicated he is.

On top of stopping at Biophilia every week, the girls and I enjoy popping into any one of the multitude of farm stands on Rt. 25. It's our weekly excursion together and this year, since they're older, I hope to make more of our weekly journey. This year, they understand what I mean when I tell them we're going to the farm.

At the end of our journey the best thing of all for them is that the ride home usually involves munching on fruits or fresh baked goodies that we've picked up on our way.

Standing Ovation for our Teachers - Tepid Applause for Newsday

2009-04-21T13:44:00.005-05:00

While John Hildebrand is usually disdainful of teachers as a whole and Newsday isn't worth the paper it's printed on, this particular commentary from Mr. Hildebrand in Newsday today is heart-warming. It is not only positive towards teachers but towards the William Floyd School District, something our area needs after the NYT's smear campaign. Thank you to them and to our local teachers and teachers union.

If you don't feel like reading it, what you should know is Wm Floyd teachers have re-negotiated their contract down 1% for this year to help keep jobs and programs for our children. What they get in return is an extension on their current contract for one additional year guaranteeing them a 2.5% increase for the 2010-2011 school year.

The almost 2% hike in our property taxes is going to hurt like hell, especially on top of Gov Paterson cancelling STAR rebates. To be clear on how little money there is to work with, "The district's property and income wealth is less than half the state average." (Newsday)

When I said people in our area have heart, this is what I referred to.

http://www.newsday.com/news/local/ny-liteac2212677876apr21,0,7595152.story

Slums of Long Island? Not really.

2009-04-16T14:36:00.005-05:00

It's been a nagging thought in the back of my mind since my husband found the article two Sundays ago. The NYT published a story about how horrible Mastic, Mastic Beach and Shirley are. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/05/realestate/05livi.html

Let me just tell you that in 7 years we haven't found our end of town to be like this. We live in what they call the Tangiers section of Shirley. We are within a 1/2 of our elementary school, while we get weekly and at times twice weekly sex offender notices we know there are none next door. Well actually there's no one next door, it's an unimproved lot. We have plenty of deer stop by though.

What the story doesn't tell is how hard residents are fighting really hard to get these towns cleaned up. The conditions are unacceptable, but do not ever believe residents are okay with the status quo. What has failed is our local government, not our population as a whole. I would think sex offenders are perceived much more dangerous than the immigrants in Farmingville. But that might just be me, a mom with two daughters. Why do they keep getting placed here? Why is there no oversight? And why hasn't anyone truly acknowledged our plight? I think it's a mentality difference, the desire to fight for what you want and need vs expecting things to be done for you. Hence the idea of incorporating to take control of what is ours vs parading with signs on street corners.

What struck me in the article and in the comments was the notion that people out here are lesser beings. That is the biggest misconception I've ever heard. How would I know? Well, I grew up in Nesconset, went to Smithtown High School, lived in Middle Island and Farmingville before buying our house here in Shirley. I've seen all ends of the spectrum, lived and worked with the people. Yes, here they might not be in the height of fashion, or have all their teeth, but they're not bad people. I had nastier customers in Setauket, more truly disgusting men coming in shirtless then out here. And I worked the early shift - 6am in the morning - so I saw most of the local contractors a few times a week, if not daily. They acknowledge you and accept you, unlike in Setauket where you are there to serve. I had more men offer to lift things, carry things and move things in Shirley - even before I was pregnant.

What else the article doesn't mention for us has been a saving grace. The special ed department in the Wm Floyd District for preschool has been amazing. When I backed out of the CPSE testing to try early intervention one last time, the director called and basically reamed me out for not going through with things. She calmed down when I explained. And she was the one who didn't hesitate to start my daughter in the summer session, who approved intense speech therapy and other evaluations and subsequently adding occupational therapy. I was terrified to go to my first CPSE meeting, especially after hearing horror stories. We almost hired a pro to go in with us. After that first meeting I've had little cause for concern.

It's really sad that a fighting community has gotten such a bad write up from the Times. There are worse areas than ours, with less dumped on them than ours, that got prettier write-ups. So why are we only good for the beaches and a pit stop to the East End? The area might not be as pretty as some, or as wealthy as some, but it has heart. And that is truly rare.

My iPod, My Kitchen & Adam Lambert...

2009-04-11T09:34:00.003-05:00

Let me just start by saying I will not play Adam Lambert on my iPod while cooking any time again soon.

It was 9:30 in the morning, my husband had the girls, and I had to make some food for our Easter dinners. So I did what I always do when there's peace and quiet - I turned the radio up. I would like to preface this by saying I am not an American Idol fanatic - seriously, just because I can tell you what Paula will say before she says it, can't most of America too?!? I'm not a big voter, although David Cook did inspire my fingers to do some dialing. So I would say I am a fan. My iPod has a great blend of Kelly Clarkson, Jordan Sparks, Blake Lewis, Carrie Underwood, Phil Stacey, David Cook, Jason Castro, Michael Johns and Brooke White. And now I've added Adam, Allison and Anoop.

Anyway, my latest fave on AI is Adam Lambert. My thing with new music is to just listen until I get it stuck in my head really well. Like with Bon Jovi, I don't have to hear it with my ears, it's in my head, so if the beaters are going and I can't hear it, no big deal. The problem is my iPod is schizophrenic. Really. It just played Bonnie Tyler, Phil Collins, Bon Jovi, Will Smith, George Michael, Miley Cirus in that order. Randy Travis should pop up soon. So if I want to hear something I really just have to put it on. And since I had Adam on in the car yesterday, "Mad World" was stuck in my head - yeah, probably not the best thing to be stuck on. So I put his music on.

On my to do list was angel food cake, pudding pie, sauce and lasagna - nothing challenging what-so-ever in my book. I can do most with my eyes closed. Yeah, well, not while I'm focusing on something else. I get the angel food cake in the oven, using a mini-bunt cake pan (makes 4 mini cakes). It crossed my mind to put a baking sheet under it, but like I was saying, I was a little focused on the music.

Now you'll have to picture what's going on in my kitchen. I simply rolled out of bed, tied my hair up and dove into the cooking. So I'm in my nightgown, barefoot, hair sticking up in every direction. Now add to that, I am tone deaf. So no matter how good you sing - or how bad you sing - if I like the beat and the lyrics you're in. And no, I have no rhythm, so my girls bop to music better than I do.

I get the angel food cake in the oven, start the pudding mix, Adam's still doing his thing. The thing is, like I said, I'm still learning his stuff, so I'm not singing along, I'm just listening. Then the scent of burnt cake starts - yup, the cake overflowed, and since I was too distracted to put the pan underneath there is sticky angel food cake batter dripping down my oven grates into the oven.

Thankfully, at this point the music stops. I get everything under control - I'm a mom of two toddlers, I can handle it! I reset the iPod for my normal mix and now my kitchen is a heavenly blend of sweet cake (of course I saved it!), zesty garlic, pungent fresh basil and tomato sauce. Since I need to grate cheese I am hoping my iPod is nice to me so there won't be any skin in the mix!

And since you're probably wondering if I am tone deaf, what about Adam makes him a fave? I'm sure you get with David Cook it was the beat. Adam, however, has pretty blue eyes and really nice teeth. Go ahead laugh. Maybe it's superficial, but since I'm sure he'll get a good laugh that part of his demographic is married, tone deaf, stay-at-home mom's in pj's, I'm not going to beat myself up over it!

The Power of the Written Word

2009-02-07T16:13:00.000-05:00

Between my fifteen year anniversary just around the corner and the ridiculous amount of time I spend of Facebook I’ve become curious about memories. I, of course, remember the big things that happened, I just don’t always remember what led up to them. And I wonder why certain things played out as they did. At 33, I’m young enough to remember life before e-mail and AIM. Way back in my day we used these tools called pen and paper. I was surprised and thrilled at what I’ve kept along the way.

It may help that I enjoy writing. I spent two years on my high school paper and a year on my college paper and my elective courses were in literature, so more writing. It would also help that the vast majority of my friends and experiences evolved from the connections I made in those classes and in the newsrooms. I have a file box of almost every paper from all three years I worked on a newspaper staff. I also have notes I passed in high school, from bantering back and forth with girlfriends, to coded plots passed between Todd and I (I have copies from him). Most recently I found every note I got from my boyfriend senior year, including the note I passed him, and he passed back, asking him out. I have letters and cards from friends, and one very enlightening note from the guy I was - what do they call it now? -hanging out with, before Carl. Some are happy memories, others sad, but they all paint a picture of the person I was and what others thought of me.

It occurred to me, after going through my own paper-trail that my girls will probably never have that. Between e-mail, IM’s and texting no one writes things down like they used to. Sure they can save what they get, even what they send, but somehow I just don’t think it will be the same. The details in a written letter, the handwriting, the drawings, even how the note is folded, are just as important as the words themselves. Without the power of pen and paper they will never reach into a box, dig out a scribbled on, torn off sheet of paper with a mere sentence on it that takes them back to a moment in time and makes it come alive.

Not feeling the love.

2009-02-04T09:12:00.004-05:00

We've been in our house for almost 7 years now and we've become used to a certain standard of snow removal. You know, that they do remove the snow. With the storm last week, when after snowing all night, the weather switched to sleet and rain, I asked my husband to call the town and see what was up since at 9:30 a plow had not yet come down our street. It's not like we're some way off side street, we're right off the parkway, and a main thoroughfare for parents and buses to go to the schools on the other side of the parkway. Not to mention out whole street is a mere 3 1/2 blocks long.

So he made the call, very nice of him to handle that. But then he goes and writes a letter to the superintendent of the highway department. Wow, how proactive you say. Wait till you read this.

*John H. Rouse*
Office of the Superintendent of Highways
1140 Old Town Road
Coram, NY 11727

Dear Superintendent Rouse:
Until the start of this year, I was feeling the love. Plows came around early and often during snow storms, prompting us to boast about our highway department to our poor friends in other towns.
But, sadly, it seems the love is lost. In the last three storms, we didn't see one plow down our street -- a busy thoroughfare in our neck of the woods-- until I called to complain.
I'm all for a game of slip and slide on the tiled floor of my grandmother's basement, but not in my car with two young girls and a wife in tow.
Now, I'm a pretty patient guy, but my wife... With the taxes we pay, when we don't get the services we have come to appreciate, I'm the one that bears the brunt of it. And the worst part? My two girls are old enough to repeat their mother's nagging. It's too much estrogen for one man to handle.
Against this backdrop, I'd like to know if there was a change in service providers or some other reason why things have gone astray. I'd appreciate a response and immediate corrective action.
Help a fella out.

Talk about throwing me under a bus! I asked him TWICE to make the call - that's not nagging, trust me on that!

The letter of response was sent yesterday. Before I saw it this morning, I knew it had hit home at the highway department. The first plow came down the street at 5:30pm and they didn't stop coming till at least 10pm, scraping down so low sparks were coming off the plow. We won't mention that it took 6 hours for the first plow to come and the buses came down snowy streets, yet again. At least there's no ice this morning!

New teen pregnancy studies are out.

2009-01-27T09:33:00.004-05:00

There is an article in today's NYT about the new rise in teen pregnancy. It's up for the first time in a decade. Funny how that coincides with the Bush administration and preaching abstinence. I just wanted to share it.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/27/health/27well.html?_r=1&8dpc

Since I've already been on my soap box about this, I won't bore you with more ramblings. If you don't remember my stance on sex ed, here's the link to that blog post:

http://www.homewith2girls.com/2008/10/sex-can-kill-you.html

I would vote republican before voting David Paterson into office.

2009-01-25T14:34:00.003-05:00

I didn't like or trust Paterson before this, choosing Gillibrand to replace Hillary just pushed me over the edge. You're seriously telling me either Cuomo or Suozzi wasn't a better, more well-rounded pick?!? Hello, she worked FOR Cuomo. Her district has a population of 654,360, Suozzi's is 1,334,544. She has less experience to be our senator than Sarah Palin did to be our Vice-President and that says a lot!

Paterson has to be planning his campaign already for him to have picked a wolf in sheep's clothing for senate. Why else would he need a conservative, NRA supporting WOMAN to fill the seat vacated by our new Secretary of State?

This was a great segment from a story in Newsday today - (and holy crap, they actually have reporters who write stories, not just AP feed!)

Some political experts worried Gillibrand's conservative credentials won't play well statewide, particularly in New York City. "She's a Blue-dog Democrat," said Democratic strategist Joseph Mercurio. "There's some irony because this seat has been held by liberals such as Robert Kennedy, Daniel Patrick Moynihan and Hillary Clinton."

-NEWSDAY
Kirsten Gillibrand named to fill Hillary Clinton's Senate seat
Will upstate politician prove to be Sarah Palin without the baggage?
BY ADAM ABRAMSON and JAMES T. MADORE

I cannot wait to actually ELECT a state official that's going to ruin my life vs having them shoved down my throat.

A New 12-Step Program

2009-01-13T12:47:00.004-05:00

I am a Facebook addict.

I go on in the morning to make sure my level 10 fairy garden is watered, and to see who's doing what. Then I check in on and off all day.

I love playing Mind Games, I give good Karma, I have a Sea Garden, and an FB House. I add photos. I join causes, chat with other moms, follow my favorite super-stars. I debate politics. I rag on my husband. I escape from countries around the world and learn useless bits of trivia. There is always something to do, 24 hours a day.

I have 84 friends, so I'm not a facebook whore yet. And I do my best to keep up with everyone - whether we've met IRL or not.

The worst part is I can still get done what needs to be done in a day. My kids are clean and fed and paid attention to. Dinner happens nightly. I actually tried a fancy sandwich for the girls today and made myself a salad - washed lettuce and everything! So where do I find the time? I have 2 weeks worth of shows on my DVR waiting for me.

If you're reading this you probably found it in the notes section of my profile. If you're not you can find my page with this e-mail: angela@homewith2girls.com.

There's probably a page that's been created for people like me, if not more! I think I'll go find one. ;)

The Same Old Conversation

2009-01-04T15:42:00.004-05:00

It occurred to me that over the years of shopping with my sister she and I have the same conversation whenever we're together at the mall. Why can't clothes just fit? And we should open a store that would do just that.

There is no place a "normal-shaped" woman can go and easily find clothes. You can't have either boobs or booty. And God forbid you're blessed with "birthing hips." Y'all know what I mean. Somewhere deep down we do get that a normal-shaped woman is pretty non-existent. However, size stereotypes need to be as over as Bush's presidency.

So when I was out yesterday trying to find a cocktail dress you shouldn't wonder at how excruciating it was.

First off, there is no way in hell I should need to take 3 sizes of one dress into the fitting room and the range shouldn't run between six sizes. Second, just because your size is in double digits does not mean your body curves out and you therefore need rectangular clothes. Third, not everyone is or should be a size 2 - hell, not everyone should even be a size 8. Lastly, just because my sizes run in the double digits, yet still in the teens, I am NOT matronly.

My next issue is once you reach the mid teens in sizes there is a void of clothing. There are no gowns, no cocktail dress and you can even forget about skirts. The casual clothes jump to stuff my grandma would wear.

So how does a thirty something get around this issue? You'd think the problem would be easily solved by shopping in a womens-size store. There is a glitch in that theory when you're above average in height. You see, even in plus sized world I'm too tall and thin. It's not arm fat that I need space for in shirts, it's shoulders. So I tend to need a size bigger than what I should be buying to accommodate my frame. I don't have to scoop my stomach into my pants to get in them, so there tends to be extra room in the crotch.

(Kudos to Lane Bryant for starting to get this idea with their Right Fit line. I am also thankful my local Lane Bryant employs skinny girls now - I don't get the dirty looks from the women who are trying to get down to my size.)

You get used to trying on 20 things to find one. And you wish you could just wave a magic wand and be thinner so you could fit into just about anything. Then you shop with a "normal" sized person - for me, my sister - and you hear the same problems. Well, maybe the opposite crotch problem, but you get the idea.

Even basic clothes come with stress now-a-days. Anyone who knows me gets I'm a jeans and sweats girl. But in recent years even my go to outfits are failing me. My latest pair of jeans comes out of the dryer so tight I can barely button them, hug my thighs and brush the top of my ankle bone. Within an hour the cuffs reach the floor, I have an inch and a half space in each thigh and I need a belt to hold them up. How in the hell can you anticipate that trying on a pair of jeans for a few minutes in a store?

The craziest part is the discussion you have with your man trying to explain all this. Men have it easy, all they need is a tape measure, not advanced trigonometry, to find the right size. I tried explaining to my husband my weight loss goal for September when I have to dress shop all over again. After telling him a range of sizes and he asked shouldn't I have a better defined goal. I think I looked at him like he had 10 heads, since that sort of goal is unattainable. After laughing at him, a mere man ignorant in the ways of women's fashion, I told him a pound goal and said what ever size may fit when I get there will work.

Next time you're out shopping and pondering the atrocities of your body shape remember two things: you're not alone and a prayer to the fashion gods before entering the fitting room isn't such a bad idea.

SEX CAN KILL YOU

2008-10-30T19:38:00.004-05:00

I'm Pro-Choice. To me it's simple - government has no right to control what I do with or to my body.*

BUT I am in no way, shape or form Pro-Abortion. The idea that being pro-choice means you support abortion is ridiculous.

I will say I have never had to consider the idea. I've been with the same man since I was 18 and we were together 11 years before we had our first child and boy was she planned! And yes, the next one, 20 months later, was very planned as well. Just for the record, because even my grandma asked that question!

But having carried two children, seeing and hearing their heartbeats at 6 weeks and at 8 weeks, I cannot believe it is a simple decision to have an abortion. There is no going back from abortion, there's no unsealing records and maybe finding happiness. Once it's done it's done. So why not use everything in our power to prevent people from having to make that choice?

And I don't think abortions for the health of the mother should be called abortions. There has to be another way to say it. One person or the other will die, sometimes it's just a matter of who has a better chance of survival. Is it better to let them both die? How is that an OK thing with God? And sometimes it's not the baby who dies, sometimes its the mom. No one should have to chose between themselves and their child, sometimes that's just the way it is.

I don't understand, with all our knowledge, with all our medical advances, why people think abstinence is what to teach. I mean, come on, no on really thinks people are going to be celibate until they're 30 - good luck making it to 20. There's no such thing as an old maid. What is so wrong about educating our youth about birth control? What is so bad about moms telling their daughters they need to carry a condom too? Don't tell my husband, but that will be a part of my discussion.

What scares me is that in the midst of teaching abstinence, DISEASE has been left out. Forget moral and religious issues - sex can KILL you. Even the most curable diseases, ones that can be banished with a dose of penicillin, can cause some serious damage if left untreated. Then there are the ones without symptoms, that without regular checkups can eat away at your insides. Then there's the big scary ones - HIV, HPV and AIDS.

The funniest part of it is teen pregnancy keeps going down. You know who's out there having abortions - the 20 somethings. The ones who can go to a bar, pick someone up and wake up in a strange bed with no recollection of what happened. Now I need to watch what I say here or someone might think I'm suggesting prohibition again. What I'm saying is if people of ALL AGES (because you'd be surprised how many older people get STD's now-a-days) were EDUCATED on birth control and disease just maybe the number of unwanted pregnancies would go down.

Adoption education is very lacking in our society. Maybe if people were EDUCATED on ADOPTION they wouldn't think it was a keep it or kill it situation. You hear about the couple that can't have children, the ones who pay a great deal of money to adopt children from other countries. That's not a big deal. So why don't we tell our youth that this IS an option? There's even OPEN ADOPTIONS now that you can keep in touch with the child you've given up. It's not all closed-book, never-see-the-child-again rules anymore.

And seriously, if you still have religious problems with birth control try the SEX CAN KILL YOU approach, because plain old abstinence is not cutting it!

Bad things happen to good people. Less bad things happen when you're educated about them. So maybe I'm not pro-choice. I think pro-sex ed is a better catch phrase. I like that.

*for those of you who will comment, I don't have an issue with prostitution either. It's another thing that if it were "okay" there would be less disease and less death. I have an issue with forcing women and girls into prostitution, but doing it by free choice doesn't bother me at all.

Community organizing at it's best!

2008-09-12T08:12:00.003-05:00

http://www.barackitforward.blogspot.com/

This site started on a parenting discussion board of 500 members across the country. This is the very thing Gov. Palin, Fmr. Mayor Guliani and the like are making fun of. A community organizing to make change happen. This time our community is AMERICA!

SPEAK OUT and HELP OUT NOW! Every vote will count and every action will count. Be part of HISTORY. FIGHT for the freedoms our forefathers died for, for the freedoms our troops die for every day, for everyone who didn't have a say at one point in time. It's time for CHANGE.

VOTE BARACK OBAMA PRESIDENT 2008!!!!!!

Where else can you have your say? Tell Barack your opinion right here: http://www.ohboyobama.com/

VOLUNTEER NOW at http://my.barackobama.com/page/content/statepages

This is a personal opinion and is in no way endorsed by the Obama for America campaign.

Would you allow your kids to play with unvaccinated children? I would.

2008-08-25T19:13:00.003-05:00

And I'm quoted on MSNBC.com saying just that!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26269069/

My girls are up to date on vaccines, as per the American Academy of Pediatrics. The chance of contracting a disease even being vaccinated is slim. Why would I worry that my girls would get one of these diseases from a friend, when they can just as easily contract it from a seatmate on an airplane - especially those international flights?

I believe strongly in vaccinating, I would encourage parents to do so. I would also encourage the medical community to look at how many vaccines children get at once and over their lifetime. I know my kids will get quite a few more than I do - especially the flu vaccine, which I've never gotten. There has to be a link between autism and vaccines; the sooner someone admits it and fixes it the better off we'll all be. There's some nasty stuff in those shots, but what makes it any worse than the things we eat that are loaded with preservatives? I don't know.

Here's what it comes down to for me - what if the one kid in the class who's not vaccinated could be my child's best friend for life? Who am I do deny that kind of relationship over a vaccine? And what if that un-vaccinated child could never have been my child's friend because a vaccine made them sick?

I'm not God, I'm just a mom, one of billions around the world, who have to do the best they can, every hour of every day for their children. We have so many choices, many of them will be wrong. In my book ostracising an un-vaccinated child or their parents is wrong. Simple as that.

Cleaning

2008-08-06T10:10:00.004-05:00

I feel like I'm always cleaning and that the house is never actually clean. I've been having trouble trying to figure out why that is. This morning I had an epiphany - it's not that I don't clean enough, I just clean the same things over and over.

In the past two weeks I've cleaned the bathroom twice, washed the kitchen floor twice, vacuumed about 5 times (not counting the constant Dustbuster hum), emptied the dishwasher a good 10 times, changed sheets, wiped off the couches 3-4 times. All of it needs to be done again in the next day or so.

What I have not done is pick up a dust rag, pick up the odds and ends tucked around the house, put together Charlee's new picnic table (the box is still in the hall). Thank goodness for closet doors, cause I need them! Before kids it was not my issue - the husband, well that's another lost cause! (LOL - he is right now saying he cleans - ask him how many clothes are next to his side of the bed, what is covering his bathroom floor, and how much laundry he has to do) Clutter, not DIRT is making the house a disaster.

Basically, had I not vacuumed once, and not wiped the couches once, I probably could have dusted. You wouldn't want to enter my house had I made that decision! Oh, well. Toys, well that's just a lost cause. Clutter, yeah, same thing. Because once you figure in cooking 2-3 meals a day, changing diapers, showering, doing laundry, pulling the kids apart, Facebook time, phone time - who has time to dust!?!

The house looks like a disaster, and it drives me crazy. At least I know I'm cleaning even if no one else sees it!

All grown up?

2008-08-06T09:40:00.003-05:00

The big day is here, the high chair is being packed away. I handled putting away bottles, the baby swing, little socks and shoes, even the infant car seat very well. This one, this is painful. Once this is gone the last bit of baby stuff in the house is Catie's crib - which just got dropped to the lowest level last week.

This feels like finality. And that's very strange because there is no way in hell I'm having more kids - ever. I think I've got the look in response to the very abundant comment, "the next one will be a boy," down pat, so much so that the last person to say that quickly said two is a good number! I have no desire to be pregnant again, to wake up every 3 hours for feedings or anything else. I love babies, don't get me wrong, I just love handing them back to their parents more!

My girls are walking and talking toddlers - I'm quite pleased with that! So why is removing the high chair so hard - I think it's just that I have to admit I'm getting older. As my girls grow up, I age, and it happens very fast. And it's not so much the numeric age, I'm sure younger parents go through the same thing, it's the "I'm old enough to" thing we all do and kids make that line more finite.

Looking forward, the next thing to do away with is diapers. And my plan after that is to enjoy the time between diapers and tampons - I'm going to age extra fast when those are in the house for the girls. I'm thinking of investing in a cabin in the woods to go with Carl when that happens - heck this is all his fault, I should leave him to handle the PMS!

Fight back for Barack

2008-06-29T20:37:00.003-05:00

While it is mostly expected, there has been an even greater bout of biased reporting on FOX news. The latest against the Obama's is calling Michelle "Obama's baby mama" which is slang for unmarried parents. While the elitist whitey's (I check the white box too, so back off) could use the excuse they are simply clueless about hip slang, it is completely disrespectful. This latest comment, added to many more, has pushed MoveOn.org into taking action - sign the petition here:

http://pol.moveon.org/stopthesmears/?r_by=-9383384-d3sE15x&rc=paste

And oh, my lord in heaven, the man is NOT MUSLIM! He is a devout Catholic. Just because you got an e-mail doesn't make it true. And since we're on the Internet and you don't have to believe I'm telling you the truth, here's it is, laid our for you on his own site:
http://my.barackobama.com/page/content/fightthesmearshome/

And here's the truth reported on other sites, for those of you who are still non believers:

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2004474447_smear13.html

http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_barack_obama_muslim.htm

http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/muslim.asp

Here is a very well researched story about the rumors - I applaud the editor on this masterpiece:
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/opinion/askeditor/stories/022808dnediasktheeditor.3c8a289.html

And for a good laugh:
http://www.slate.com/id/2193798/

Friends.

2008-05-14T12:01:00.005-05:00

When you have friends for 15-20 years they remind you of things - who you were, what you did, where mutual friends have ended up. They shape your life, help you chose paths, support your decisions. But how often to you wonder how they got where they are? I usually don't, until a website was passed on to me today. It got me wondering.

My collage of friends includes the trouble maker who sat next to me in 9th grade Earth Science who's now a police officer, the sociology major who owns an incredibly successful Internet business, the journalist who's passion leads the way for others, the quiet friend who changed direction and started a business, the rebel who is an exquisite craftsman and so many more. Are they who I expected them to be? Yes and no. Maybe in my own self absorption, I missed subtle hints that led them on their path. Maybe the perspective has altered with age and wisdom. Maybe I just didn't know them as well as I thought. Some are still friends, others are not.

There are choices I regret, apologies I'd love to make and decisions that others regret for me. But from all of them I've learned something - be it about life or about myself, there was a lesson. And since my friends have other friends besides just me, I'm sure their paths were altered in similar ways. So when I look at them now and wonder how they got there, I'm sure I'd be surprised by the answer. You never know how one person can alter the course of another.

For example, I'm sure my friends who think they know a lot about me don't know about some sage advice I received at age 18 that changed my life. It was a simple date one or date many question that most of us have to answer, that I posed to a friend. This answer brought me to the love of my life and father of my children. One answer, from one friend, irrevocably changed my life.

Do I think I'm where my friends expected me to be? Not particularly. But they love me anyway.

Just stop.

2008-05-12T08:16:00.003-05:00

I'm totally fed up. I can't take much more of this hypocritical bullshit. As Clinton and Obama continue their attacks the more frustrated I get. And the media is right in the middle of it all.

My first frustration is with the candidates. Well, Clinton in particular - but I support Obama, so that's expected. The old school political crap is unattractive. The cheap shots are ridiculous - her comment after winning Pennsylvania about how much he spent there was ludicrous coming from a person who had to put in $5 mill of her OWN money to keep her campaign afloat in January. At least the money Obama spent is from his supporters, not his spouse's coffers. Stupid stuff like this is not going to win an election, all it's going to do is push the independents to the republican vote. This dirty politicking is unladylike, unbecoming and really pathetic. You want to win, win on merit - you claim to have enough of it.

Obama needs to not only grow a pair, but learn how to use them. Rev Wright is getting the best of him, for no good reason. Stand up for yourself man! If you screwed up SAY SO. Stop circumventing the issue and changing your answers. Shit, if you can't take on a reverend, how the hell are you going to be commander in chief?!? Maybe we should be voting for Oprah.

So here's my advice - put your egos aside, make nice with each other and UNITE the democrats. It's really very simple, but pride isn't called a deadly sin for no reason.

My next issue is with the media. Who gives a flying fuck what Obama eats? God forbid a candidate eats HEALTHY. We all laughed at President Clinton eating his Big Macs - all that got him was a heart attack. If he's elitist for eating the right way, in the most obese country in the world, then it's not really a bad thing, now is it?

And maybe more Americans would know what arugula is if we didn't have to import all our produce. I grow it in my garden every year, you can find seeds in your local Home Depot, Walmart or Target. You can't you say? Order them from the Burpee catalog. I can find it in my local grocery stores, and if you're having trouble finding it, check by the fresh herbs - they package it there too.

And to McCain's camp, my local take out Greek place has an arugula salad on their menu. It's a dive, but it's got amazing food. So you don't have to go to some fancy restaurant for it, you just have to open your eyes.

I think what pissed me off the most was Maureen Dowd of the New York Times taking a swipe at Obama's eating habits. I get they're endorsing Clinton, I understand it's her column, but the Times was the last place I could go to for real news, now I don't know. It is my understanding that newspapers were supposed to report the news with no bias. The last time the media went this route we almost went to war on a lie. Hmmm, maybe Bush isn't responsible for this mess. ( just kidding)

Enjoying the rainbow

2008-04-04T07:35:00.000-05:00

We finally found the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow - Charlee qualified for speech therapy!

Thank you to all our friends and family who spent the last year supporting us and suffering with us. We know there is no way we would have gotten this far without your love and support.

Simply, from my heart

2008-03-31T14:08:00.003-05:00

I am beginning to feel like SISYPHUS in my quest to get my daughter speech help. It seems like every time we get close, everything comes tumbling down. We are approaching the top of the hill again and I am waiting to fall, once again. It really is the most horrible feeling.

Part of me feels like I failed her as a mom. If she were my only child it might be different, there would be no comparison. But she's not and her sister is loquacious. I feel guilty for enjoying Catie's speech, although I do relish naptime when Charlee and I can play quietly, communicating in our own way.

More and more I feel like I need to translate for her. I understand her gestures the best, and interepret her body language. More and more she is frustrated she can not get her point across herself.

I am in awe of other children her age who's speech has come so easily and am terrified how Charlee will feel as her little sister begins to talk better than she does. While I understand Charlee is gifted in other ways, it won't stop her own internal comparison and my heart breaks for her.

I am most greatful for her friend Peyton, who allows Charlee to be herself and loves her for it. When Charlee is with Peyton she is not judged, not looked down upon, never ignored. Their embrace when they meet would tickle the hardest man, it is in silence they great each other. My daughter glows for days after her company. I wish there were more children in the world like Peyton that I could surround Charlotte with.

The best I can do is tell her everyday that I love her and fight my hardest for her. Hopefully what I can do will be enough.