The Same Old Conversation

It occurred to me that over the years of shopping with my sister she and I have the same conversation whenever we're together at the mall. Why can't clothes just fit? And we should open a store that would do just that.

There is no place a "normal-shaped" woman can go and easily find clothes. You can't have either boobs or booty. And God forbid you're blessed with "birthing hips." Y'all know what I mean. Somewhere deep down we do get that a normal-shaped woman is pretty non-existent. However, size stereotypes need to be as over as Bush's presidency.

So when I was out yesterday trying to find a cocktail dress you shouldn't wonder at how excruciating it was.

First off, there is no way in hell I should need to take 3 sizes of one dress into the fitting room and the range shouldn't run between six sizes. Second, just because your size is in double digits does not mean your body curves out and you therefore need rectangular clothes. Third, not everyone is or should be a size 2 - hell, not everyone should even be a size 8. Lastly, just because my sizes run in the double digits, yet still in the teens, I am NOT matronly.

My next issue is once you reach the mid teens in sizes there is a void of clothing. There are no gowns, no cocktail dress and you can even forget about skirts. The casual clothes jump to stuff my grandma would wear.

So how does a thirty something get around this issue? You'd think the problem would be easily solved by shopping in a womens-size store. There is a glitch in that theory when you're above average in height. You see, even in plus sized world I'm too tall and thin. It's not arm fat that I need space for in shirts, it's shoulders. So I tend to need a size bigger than what I should be buying to accommodate my frame. I don't have to scoop my stomach into my pants to get in them, so there tends to be extra room in the crotch.

(Kudos to Lane Bryant for starting to get this idea with their Right Fit line. I am also thankful my local Lane Bryant employs skinny girls now - I don't get the dirty looks from the women who are trying to get down to my size.)

You get used to trying on 20 things to find one. And you wish you could just wave a magic wand and be thinner so you could fit into just about anything. Then you shop with a "normal" sized person - for me, my sister - and you hear the same problems. Well, maybe the opposite crotch problem, but you get the idea.

Even basic clothes come with stress now-a-days. Anyone who knows me gets I'm a jeans and sweats girl. But in recent years even my go to outfits are failing me. My latest pair of jeans comes out of the dryer so tight I can barely button them, hug my thighs and brush the top of my ankle bone. Within an hour the cuffs reach the floor, I have an inch and a half space in each thigh and I need a belt to hold them up. How in the hell can you anticipate that trying on a pair of jeans for a few minutes in a store?

The craziest part is the discussion you have with your man trying to explain all this. Men have it easy, all they need is a tape measure, not advanced trigonometry, to find the right size. I tried explaining to my husband my weight loss goal for September when I have to dress shop all over again. After telling him a range of sizes and he asked shouldn't I have a better defined goal. I think I looked at him like he had 10 heads, since that sort of goal is unattainable. After laughing at him, a mere man ignorant in the ways of women's fashion, I told him a pound goal and said what ever size may fit when I get there will work.

Next time you're out shopping and pondering the atrocities of your body shape remember two things: you're not alone and a prayer to the fashion gods before entering the fitting room isn't such a bad idea.