for married people to have crushes?? And I don't mean celebrity, if I had a chance in hell type crushes, just the average run of the mill, person on the street sort.
My husband and I are in agreement, so that's good. We both think it's OK, that basically it's human nature and just because you're married doesn't mean you're all dried up. You'd be surprised how nonplussed he was after the numerous times I told him I was leaving him for Adam Lambert - and I knew he was gay before my hubby did.
However, I do wonder if part of our being OK has to do with being with each other from such young ages (18 & 20). It's kind of hard to be that young and not have some sort of something at some point. Also, we, well I am at least, tend to be pretty open about opinions of people. For instance, I have no problem telling my husband I think another guy (girls too, sometimes) is hot. He laughs at me. The fact he's particularly self confident (a characteristic of his that was a huge turn-off at the beginning), added to the fact he's the exact opposite of my taste in men, so I'm not exactly looking at guys similar to him, he takes no issue.
Same thing with generalized flirting. We again agree that it's healthy, normal human behavior. It's not like either of us out there going ooh, he's or she's hot, let me try flirting - THAT would be WRONG.
And it's not that either of us is that liberal with our relationship definitions. I believe the phrase "I'd have to kill you" has come into play when more serious scenarios have been discussed. Anything PHYSICAL is way, way, WAY out of bounds. Lying too, is on the no list. Of course he can't lie for anything and I can't not tell him things, so that helps. Maybe it also helps that we have defined boundaries in place and know what we expect of each other.
So I want to know - are YOU okay with crushes and/or flirting or NOT and why or WHY NOT????
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday, June 05, 2009
A Farm Away From Home
It's that time of year again. Our local CSA pick-ups have begun. What's a CSA, you ask? Community Supported Agriculture.
What it means to me is a 1/2 hour ride out east once a week to pick up freshly picked organic produce. We start with lettuces and other green leafy items, move onto things like cucumbers, carrots, beans, zucchini, etc, then go to things like potatoes - red, white, blue and sweet. You can't forget about tomatoes and ground cherries and fresh herbs and flowers. Best of all freshly dried garlic in so many varieties. (I should tell you every CSA is different in what they offer.)
I found Phil Barbados and his farm Biophilia last year online at www.localharvest.org/csa. What got me curious about CSA farms was a post on my favorite parenting site, http://www.babycenter.com/.
I found Phil Barbados and his farm Biophilia last year online at www.localharvest.org/csa. What got me curious about CSA farms was a post on my favorite parenting site, http://www.babycenter.com/.
While I whole-heartedly disagreed with this particular mom's views on vaccinations, her commentary on her lifestyle led me to wonder what our local farms on Long Island had to offer. I Googled CSA and found Local Harvest. Their site is impressive and easy to use, but best of all, it led me to Phil.
We started with Phil last summer not sure what to expect and he quickly rocked our world. What he produces is phenomenal both in quality and variety. Phil's passion for farming is only surpassed by the love he has for his family. That shines through in everything he does. I almost cried at the end of last season at the idea of my weekly treks to the farm over for 6 months, leaving me to rely on grocery store produce.
The best thing about Biophilia and Phil, aside from the wonderful produce, is the way he makes his farm feel like home. He is a very warm and inviting person, always willing to talk shop. Membership to his CSA isn't just about a weekly pick-up, it's a summer-long experience with tastings, picking days and potlucks. He takes tremendous pride in what he does, even fretting last year that he was responsible feeding so many local families.
In the weekly e-mail newsletter he keeps us up to date with goings on - what's being planted, transplanted, harvested, when his dad visits, problems with local wildlife and so on. He also adds recipes to help us use what he has given us that week. As an added bonus, he keeps us up to date with other adventures in organic farming that go on over the summer. The extra time and effort it takes to create and send an update is just more proof of how very dedicated he is.
On top of stopping at Biophilia every week, the girls and I enjoy popping into any one of the multitude of farm stands on Rt. 25. It's our weekly excursion together and this year, since they're older, I hope to make more of our weekly journey. This year, they understand what I mean when I tell them we're going to the farm.
We started with Phil last summer not sure what to expect and he quickly rocked our world. What he produces is phenomenal both in quality and variety. Phil's passion for farming is only surpassed by the love he has for his family. That shines through in everything he does. I almost cried at the end of last season at the idea of my weekly treks to the farm over for 6 months, leaving me to rely on grocery store produce.
The best thing about Biophilia and Phil, aside from the wonderful produce, is the way he makes his farm feel like home. He is a very warm and inviting person, always willing to talk shop. Membership to his CSA isn't just about a weekly pick-up, it's a summer-long experience with tastings, picking days and potlucks. He takes tremendous pride in what he does, even fretting last year that he was responsible feeding so many local families.
In the weekly e-mail newsletter he keeps us up to date with goings on - what's being planted, transplanted, harvested, when his dad visits, problems with local wildlife and so on. He also adds recipes to help us use what he has given us that week. As an added bonus, he keeps us up to date with other adventures in organic farming that go on over the summer. The extra time and effort it takes to create and send an update is just more proof of how very dedicated he is.
On top of stopping at Biophilia every week, the girls and I enjoy popping into any one of the multitude of farm stands on Rt. 25. It's our weekly excursion together and this year, since they're older, I hope to make more of our weekly journey. This year, they understand what I mean when I tell them we're going to the farm.
At the end of our journey the best thing of all for them is that the ride home usually involves munching on fruits or fresh baked goodies that we've picked up on our way.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Standing Ovation for our Teachers - Tepid Applause for Newsday
While John Hildebrand is usually disdainful of teachers as a whole and Newsday isn't worth the paper it's printed on, this particular commentary from Mr. Hildebrand in Newsday today is heart-warming. It is not only positive towards teachers but towards the William Floyd School District, something our area needs after the NYT's smear campaign. Thank you to them and to our local teachers and teachers union.
If you don't feel like reading it, what you should know is Wm Floyd teachers have re-negotiated their contract down 1% for this year to help keep jobs and programs for our children. What they get in return is an extension on their current contract for one additional year guaranteeing them a 2.5% increase for the 2010-2011 school year.
The almost 2% hike in our property taxes is going to hurt like hell, especially on top of Gov Paterson cancelling STAR rebates. To be clear on how little money there is to work with, "The district's property and income wealth is less than half the state average." (Newsday)
When I said people in our area have heart, this is what I referred to.
http://www.newsday.com/news/local/ny-liteac2212677876apr21,0,7595152.story
If you don't feel like reading it, what you should know is Wm Floyd teachers have re-negotiated their contract down 1% for this year to help keep jobs and programs for our children. What they get in return is an extension on their current contract for one additional year guaranteeing them a 2.5% increase for the 2010-2011 school year.
The almost 2% hike in our property taxes is going to hurt like hell, especially on top of Gov Paterson cancelling STAR rebates. To be clear on how little money there is to work with, "The district's property and income wealth is less than half the state average." (Newsday)
When I said people in our area have heart, this is what I referred to.
http://www.newsday.com/news/local/ny-liteac2212677876apr21,0,7595152.story
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Slums of Long Island? Not really.
It's been a nagging thought in the back of my mind since my husband found the article two Sundays ago. The NYT published a story about how horrible Mastic, Mastic Beach and Shirley are. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/05/realestate/05livi.html
Let me just tell you that in 7 years we haven't found our end of town to be like this. We live in what they call the Tangiers section of Shirley. We are within a 1/2 of our elementary school, while we get weekly and at times twice weekly sex offender notices we know there are none next door. Well actually there's no one next door, it's an unimproved lot. We have plenty of deer stop by though.
What the story doesn't tell is how hard residents are fighting really hard to get these towns cleaned up. The conditions are unacceptable, but do not ever believe residents are okay with the status quo. What has failed is our local government, not our population as a whole. I would think sex offenders are perceived much more dangerous than the immigrants in Farmingville. But that might just be me, a mom with two daughters. Why do they keep getting placed here? Why is there no oversight? And why hasn't anyone truly acknowledged our plight? I think it's a mentality difference, the desire to fight for what you want and need vs expecting things to be done for you. Hence the idea of incorporating to take control of what is ours vs parading with signs on street corners.
What struck me in the article and in the comments was the notion that people out here are lesser beings. That is the biggest misconception I've ever heard. How would I know? Well, I grew up in Nesconset, went to Smithtown High School, lived in Middle Island and Farmingville before buying our house here in Shirley. I've seen all ends of the spectrum, lived and worked with the people. Yes, here they might not be in the height of fashion, or have all their teeth, but they're not bad people. I had nastier customers in Setauket, more truly disgusting men coming in shirtless then out here. And I worked the early shift - 6am in the morning - so I saw most of the local contractors a few times a week, if not daily. They acknowledge you and accept you, unlike in Setauket where you are there to serve. I had more men offer to lift things, carry things and move things in Shirley - even before I was pregnant.
What else the article doesn't mention for us has been a saving grace. The special ed department in the Wm Floyd District for preschool has been amazing. When I backed out of the CPSE testing to try early intervention one last time, the director called and basically reamed me out for not going through with things. She calmed down when I explained. And she was the one who didn't hesitate to start my daughter in the summer session, who approved intense speech therapy and other evaluations and subsequently adding occupational therapy. I was terrified to go to my first CPSE meeting, especially after hearing horror stories. We almost hired a pro to go in with us. After that first meeting I've had little cause for concern.
It's really sad that a fighting community has gotten such a bad write up from the Times. There are worse areas than ours, with less dumped on them than ours, that got prettier write-ups. So why are we only good for the beaches and a pit stop to the East End? The area might not be as pretty as some, or as wealthy as some, but it has heart. And that is truly rare.
Let me just tell you that in 7 years we haven't found our end of town to be like this. We live in what they call the Tangiers section of Shirley. We are within a 1/2 of our elementary school, while we get weekly and at times twice weekly sex offender notices we know there are none next door. Well actually there's no one next door, it's an unimproved lot. We have plenty of deer stop by though.
What the story doesn't tell is how hard residents are fighting really hard to get these towns cleaned up. The conditions are unacceptable, but do not ever believe residents are okay with the status quo. What has failed is our local government, not our population as a whole. I would think sex offenders are perceived much more dangerous than the immigrants in Farmingville. But that might just be me, a mom with two daughters. Why do they keep getting placed here? Why is there no oversight? And why hasn't anyone truly acknowledged our plight? I think it's a mentality difference, the desire to fight for what you want and need vs expecting things to be done for you. Hence the idea of incorporating to take control of what is ours vs parading with signs on street corners.
What struck me in the article and in the comments was the notion that people out here are lesser beings. That is the biggest misconception I've ever heard. How would I know? Well, I grew up in Nesconset, went to Smithtown High School, lived in Middle Island and Farmingville before buying our house here in Shirley. I've seen all ends of the spectrum, lived and worked with the people. Yes, here they might not be in the height of fashion, or have all their teeth, but they're not bad people. I had nastier customers in Setauket, more truly disgusting men coming in shirtless then out here. And I worked the early shift - 6am in the morning - so I saw most of the local contractors a few times a week, if not daily. They acknowledge you and accept you, unlike in Setauket where you are there to serve. I had more men offer to lift things, carry things and move things in Shirley - even before I was pregnant.
What else the article doesn't mention for us has been a saving grace. The special ed department in the Wm Floyd District for preschool has been amazing. When I backed out of the CPSE testing to try early intervention one last time, the director called and basically reamed me out for not going through with things. She calmed down when I explained. And she was the one who didn't hesitate to start my daughter in the summer session, who approved intense speech therapy and other evaluations and subsequently adding occupational therapy. I was terrified to go to my first CPSE meeting, especially after hearing horror stories. We almost hired a pro to go in with us. After that first meeting I've had little cause for concern.
It's really sad that a fighting community has gotten such a bad write up from the Times. There are worse areas than ours, with less dumped on them than ours, that got prettier write-ups. So why are we only good for the beaches and a pit stop to the East End? The area might not be as pretty as some, or as wealthy as some, but it has heart. And that is truly rare.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
My iPod, My Kitchen & Adam Lambert...
Let me just start by saying I will not play Adam Lambert on my iPod while cooking any time again soon.
It was 9:30 in the morning, my husband had the girls, and I had to make some food for our Easter dinners. So I did what I always do when there's peace and quiet - I turned the radio up. I would like to preface this by saying I am not an American Idol fanatic - seriously, just because I can tell you what Paula will say before she says it, can't most of America too?!? I'm not a big voter, although David Cook did inspire my fingers to do some dialing. So I would say I am a fan. My iPod has a great blend of Kelly Clarkson, Jordan Sparks, Blake Lewis, Carrie Underwood, Phil Stacey, David Cook, Jason Castro, Michael Johns and Brooke White. And now I've added Adam, Allison and Anoop.
Anyway, my latest fave on AI is Adam Lambert. My thing with new music is to just listen until I get it stuck in my head really well. Like with Bon Jovi, I don't have to hear it with my ears, it's in my head, so if the beaters are going and I can't hear it, no big deal. The problem is my iPod is schizophrenic. Really. It just played Bonnie Tyler, Phil Collins, Bon Jovi, Will Smith, George Michael, Miley Cirus in that order. Randy Travis should pop up soon. So if I want to hear something I really just have to put it on. And since I had Adam on in the car yesterday, "Mad World" was stuck in my head - yeah, probably not the best thing to be stuck on. So I put his music on.
On my to do list was angel food cake, pudding pie, sauce and lasagna - nothing challenging what-so-ever in my book. I can do most with my eyes closed. Yeah, well, not while I'm focusing on something else. I get the angel food cake in the oven, using a mini-bunt cake pan (makes 4 mini cakes). It crossed my mind to put a baking sheet under it, but like I was saying, I was a little focused on the music.
Now you'll have to picture what's going on in my kitchen. I simply rolled out of bed, tied my hair up and dove into the cooking. So I'm in my nightgown, barefoot, hair sticking up in every direction. Now add to that, I am tone deaf. So no matter how good you sing - or how bad you sing - if I like the beat and the lyrics you're in. And no, I have no rhythm, so my girls bop to music better than I do.
I get the angel food cake in the oven, start the pudding mix, Adam's still doing his thing. The thing is, like I said, I'm still learning his stuff, so I'm not singing along, I'm just listening. Then the scent of burnt cake starts - yup, the cake overflowed, and since I was too distracted to put the pan underneath there is sticky angel food cake batter dripping down my oven grates into the oven.
Thankfully, at this point the music stops. I get everything under control - I'm a mom of two toddlers, I can handle it! I reset the iPod for my normal mix and now my kitchen is a heavenly blend of sweet cake (of course I saved it!), zesty garlic, pungent fresh basil and tomato sauce. Since I need to grate cheese I am hoping my iPod is nice to me so there won't be any skin in the mix!
And since you're probably wondering if I am tone deaf, what about Adam makes him a fave? I'm sure you get with David Cook it was the beat. Adam, however, has pretty blue eyes and really nice teeth. Go ahead laugh. Maybe it's superficial, but since I'm sure he'll get a good laugh that part of his demographic is married, tone deaf, stay-at-home mom's in pj's, I'm not going to beat myself up over it!
It was 9:30 in the morning, my husband had the girls, and I had to make some food for our Easter dinners. So I did what I always do when there's peace and quiet - I turned the radio up. I would like to preface this by saying I am not an American Idol fanatic - seriously, just because I can tell you what Paula will say before she says it, can't most of America too?!? I'm not a big voter, although David Cook did inspire my fingers to do some dialing. So I would say I am a fan. My iPod has a great blend of Kelly Clarkson, Jordan Sparks, Blake Lewis, Carrie Underwood, Phil Stacey, David Cook, Jason Castro, Michael Johns and Brooke White. And now I've added Adam, Allison and Anoop.
Anyway, my latest fave on AI is Adam Lambert. My thing with new music is to just listen until I get it stuck in my head really well. Like with Bon Jovi, I don't have to hear it with my ears, it's in my head, so if the beaters are going and I can't hear it, no big deal. The problem is my iPod is schizophrenic. Really. It just played Bonnie Tyler, Phil Collins, Bon Jovi, Will Smith, George Michael, Miley Cirus in that order. Randy Travis should pop up soon. So if I want to hear something I really just have to put it on. And since I had Adam on in the car yesterday, "Mad World" was stuck in my head - yeah, probably not the best thing to be stuck on. So I put his music on.
On my to do list was angel food cake, pudding pie, sauce and lasagna - nothing challenging what-so-ever in my book. I can do most with my eyes closed. Yeah, well, not while I'm focusing on something else. I get the angel food cake in the oven, using a mini-bunt cake pan (makes 4 mini cakes). It crossed my mind to put a baking sheet under it, but like I was saying, I was a little focused on the music.
Now you'll have to picture what's going on in my kitchen. I simply rolled out of bed, tied my hair up and dove into the cooking. So I'm in my nightgown, barefoot, hair sticking up in every direction. Now add to that, I am tone deaf. So no matter how good you sing - or how bad you sing - if I like the beat and the lyrics you're in. And no, I have no rhythm, so my girls bop to music better than I do.
I get the angel food cake in the oven, start the pudding mix, Adam's still doing his thing. The thing is, like I said, I'm still learning his stuff, so I'm not singing along, I'm just listening. Then the scent of burnt cake starts - yup, the cake overflowed, and since I was too distracted to put the pan underneath there is sticky angel food cake batter dripping down my oven grates into the oven.
Thankfully, at this point the music stops. I get everything under control - I'm a mom of two toddlers, I can handle it! I reset the iPod for my normal mix and now my kitchen is a heavenly blend of sweet cake (of course I saved it!), zesty garlic, pungent fresh basil and tomato sauce. Since I need to grate cheese I am hoping my iPod is nice to me so there won't be any skin in the mix!
And since you're probably wondering if I am tone deaf, what about Adam makes him a fave? I'm sure you get with David Cook it was the beat. Adam, however, has pretty blue eyes and really nice teeth. Go ahead laugh. Maybe it's superficial, but since I'm sure he'll get a good laugh that part of his demographic is married, tone deaf, stay-at-home mom's in pj's, I'm not going to beat myself up over it!
Saturday, February 07, 2009
The Power of the Written Word
Between my fifteen year anniversary just around the corner and the ridiculous amount of time I spend of Facebook I’ve become curious about memories. I, of course, remember the big things that happened, I just don’t always remember what led up to them. And I wonder why certain things played out as they did. At 33, I’m young enough to remember life before e-mail and AIM. Way back in my day we used these tools called pen and paper. I was surprised and thrilled at what I’ve kept along the way.
It may help that I enjoy writing. I spent two years on my high school paper and a year on my college paper and my elective courses were in literature, so more writing. It would also help that the vast majority of my friends and experiences evolved from the connections I made in those classes and in the newsrooms. I have a file box of almost every paper from all three years I worked on a newspaper staff. I also have notes I passed in high school, from bantering back and forth with girlfriends, to coded plots passed between Todd and I (I have copies from him). Most recently I found every note I got from my boyfriend senior year, including the note I passed him, and he passed back, asking him out. I have letters and cards from friends, and one very enlightening note from the guy I was - what do they call it now? -hanging out with, before Carl. Some are happy memories, others sad, but they all paint a picture of the person I was and what others thought of me.
It occurred to me, after going through my own paper-trail that my girls will probably never have that. Between e-mail, IM’s and texting no one writes things down like they used to. Sure they can save what they get, even what they send, but somehow I just don’t think it will be the same. The details in a written letter, the handwriting, the drawings, even how the note is folded, are just as important as the words themselves. Without the power of pen and paper they will never reach into a box, dig out a scribbled on, torn off sheet of paper with a mere sentence on it that takes them back to a moment in time and makes it come alive.
It may help that I enjoy writing. I spent two years on my high school paper and a year on my college paper and my elective courses were in literature, so more writing. It would also help that the vast majority of my friends and experiences evolved from the connections I made in those classes and in the newsrooms. I have a file box of almost every paper from all three years I worked on a newspaper staff. I also have notes I passed in high school, from bantering back and forth with girlfriends, to coded plots passed between Todd and I (I have copies from him). Most recently I found every note I got from my boyfriend senior year, including the note I passed him, and he passed back, asking him out. I have letters and cards from friends, and one very enlightening note from the guy I was - what do they call it now? -hanging out with, before Carl. Some are happy memories, others sad, but they all paint a picture of the person I was and what others thought of me.
It occurred to me, after going through my own paper-trail that my girls will probably never have that. Between e-mail, IM’s and texting no one writes things down like they used to. Sure they can save what they get, even what they send, but somehow I just don’t think it will be the same. The details in a written letter, the handwriting, the drawings, even how the note is folded, are just as important as the words themselves. Without the power of pen and paper they will never reach into a box, dig out a scribbled on, torn off sheet of paper with a mere sentence on it that takes them back to a moment in time and makes it come alive.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Not feeling the love.
We've been in our house for almost 7 years now and we've become used to a certain standard of snow removal. You know, that they do remove the snow. With the storm last week, when after snowing all night, the weather switched to sleet and rain, I asked my husband to call the town and see what was up since at 9:30 a plow had not yet come down our street. It's not like we're some way off side street, we're right off the parkway, and a main thoroughfare for parents and buses to go to the schools on the other side of the parkway. Not to mention out whole street is a mere 3 1/2 blocks long.
So he made the call, very nice of him to handle that. But then he goes and writes a letter to the superintendent of the highway department. Wow, how proactive you say. Wait till you read this.
*John H. Rouse*
Office of the Superintendent of Highways
1140 Old Town Road
Coram, NY 11727
Dear Superintendent Rouse:
Until the start of this year, I was feeling the love. Plows came around early and often during snow storms, prompting us to boast about our highway department to our poor friends in other towns.
But, sadly, it seems the love is lost. In the last three storms, we didn't see one plow down our street -- a busy thoroughfare in our neck of the woods-- until I called to complain.
I'm all for a game of slip and slide on the tiled floor of my grandmother's basement, but not in my car with two young girls and a wife in tow.
Now, I'm a pretty patient guy, but my wife... With the taxes we pay, when we don't get the services we have come to appreciate, I'm the one that bears the brunt of it. And the worst part? My two girls are old enough to repeat their mother's nagging. It's too much estrogen for one man to handle.
Against this backdrop, I'd like to know if there was a change in service providers or some other reason why things have gone astray. I'd appreciate a response and immediate corrective action.
Help a fella out.
Talk about throwing me under a bus! I asked him TWICE to make the call - that's not nagging, trust me on that!
The letter of response was sent yesterday. Before I saw it this morning, I knew it had hit home at the highway department. The first plow came down the street at 5:30pm and they didn't stop coming till at least 10pm, scraping down so low sparks were coming off the plow. We won't mention that it took 6 hours for the first plow to come and the buses came down snowy streets, yet again. At least there's no ice this morning!
So he made the call, very nice of him to handle that. But then he goes and writes a letter to the superintendent of the highway department. Wow, how proactive you say. Wait till you read this.
*John H. Rouse*
Office of the Superintendent of Highways
1140 Old Town Road
Coram, NY 11727
Dear Superintendent Rouse:
Until the start of this year, I was feeling the love. Plows came around early and often during snow storms, prompting us to boast about our highway department to our poor friends in other towns.
But, sadly, it seems the love is lost. In the last three storms, we didn't see one plow down our street -- a busy thoroughfare in our neck of the woods-- until I called to complain.
I'm all for a game of slip and slide on the tiled floor of my grandmother's basement, but not in my car with two young girls and a wife in tow.
Now, I'm a pretty patient guy, but my wife... With the taxes we pay, when we don't get the services we have come to appreciate, I'm the one that bears the brunt of it. And the worst part? My two girls are old enough to repeat their mother's nagging. It's too much estrogen for one man to handle.
Against this backdrop, I'd like to know if there was a change in service providers or some other reason why things have gone astray. I'd appreciate a response and immediate corrective action.
Help a fella out.
Talk about throwing me under a bus! I asked him TWICE to make the call - that's not nagging, trust me on that!
The letter of response was sent yesterday. Before I saw it this morning, I knew it had hit home at the highway department. The first plow came down the street at 5:30pm and they didn't stop coming till at least 10pm, scraping down so low sparks were coming off the plow. We won't mention that it took 6 hours for the first plow to come and the buses came down snowy streets, yet again. At least there's no ice this morning!
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